My plan today was to give you a fun, light post on: 10 ways to treat your single girlfriends. However, you know, sometimes you have to be nimble. I woke up with something else on my heart so I’m calling an audible (er, uh.. tactile??). Anyways, hopefully this is for some of you. I’ll put the other out later and it will be fun(ny) hopefully.
A friend recently asked me if I have ever heard this adage: “If you love something, set it free. It will come back if it’s meant to be.” No. I have never heard that. Have you heard it? I googled it and it’s out there. Anyways, I’ve been there before though, and I’ve been thinking a lot about it. I’ve been to a place where I want something so much, I love it. I want to keep it. Okay, who are we kidding – it’s someone. I had someone.
The phrase took me back to that time. There had become a point where I didn’t have complete peace about it. I probably have to explain this in my own words – peace. Peace is a settling – like a comfort and a confidence. A lack of peace is a wrestling, a confusion, an unsettled feeling. I think it takes a bit of self-awareness and maybe even maturity to identify when peace isn’t there and not try to logically justify it or explain it. It’s something that you should just know…
So back to the phrase. I was trying to figure out if it is Biblical and the word that kept coming back to me was SURRENDER. Please note that I do not think that if you do have peace about something, that you should let it go. It may be the exact gift and confirmation that God is giving you. However, if you don’t have that peace, I think you should let it go and trust that either it will come back if it is right or it will not. If it doesn’t come back, dear sisters and brothers, then it is because there is something better or more perfect for you. You deserve that peace. You deserve to have the best plan. Letting it go is hard, but keeping it without peace is harder in the long run.
Surrender. It is to give up to something stronger. Like in a battle, you surrender to a stronger opponent; or in a game, you surrender because you are short on players; or with a craving, you surrender because the craving is stronger than your will. Is God’s will and His plan not stronger than yours? The scripture that the Lord gave me as I was praying about this was:
“Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid” John 14:27
Ok. So much in here. I want God’s peace, no question. If you read back up to John 14:15 on, you will gain some insight into that but He also says DO NOT LET your hearts be troubled and DO NOT be afraid. To me, both of those commands are on me – my responsibility… my response. I have the choice to allow my heart to be troubled and He is saying that He will give me peace, but I need to not let my heart be troubled. That means being discerning enough to walk away from something that could ultimately break my heart which requires a willingness to do it without being afraid. I think sometimes we hold onto things – grab them if you will – out of a fear of not finding something better.
Can we be real? If you are afraid, then you cannot let go. If you are in fear of losing something, you’re more weak. What He is asking for is faith. If you’re not operating in fear, then you can operate in faith. As I’ve said before, faith is believing in something (or for something), that is already done. It is trusting that God does have a plan and that He will absolutely give you peace in it when it is His plan. That also means that if this person is His plan for you, they will come back.
I have some real life examples. I literally have 4 friends that I’ve had conversations with this week that got to a point in dating (their now husbands) where they didn’t have peace. They had components of the relationship or needs that weren’t being met that caused them to set it free. They all said that it wasn’t worth continuing with certain things not aligned. All 4 of them literally said that when they “set it free,” meaning they conveyed that they couldn’t continue as it was, and they did not know or expect that it would come back. I am not proposing that this is a magic bullet or that this is something every relationship must experience, but if that peace is not there, you have to get to a point where you are literally willing to let it go. You are ultimately surrendering it to whatever is best. That sort of surrender is surrendering to something stronger – which is whatever God’s ultimate will for you two is. If you can get there where you can truly let it go without knowing the future, I believe that 100% of the time, either you will grow personally, or the other person will grow personally, or you will grow together as a couple. Something will change in some way for the better. One of these ladies had gotten there with a previous relationship also and it didn’t come back. You have to be willing to let go completely to have your peace restored, and then trust that whatever happens, whether it is that it comes back or that it doesn’t, there is something to learn and the end plan will be the best plan.
God loves you enough to give you the desires of your heart, but He wants it done in the way that glorifies Him the most. Just because those true desires have not yet been fulfilled in your life does not mean that you have done something wrong.
I pray that you are hearing me if you are in a position with no peace, perhaps if you are in a relationship that you are grasping for or forcing. If it is something that you have truly received, palms open, a gift from the Lord, you know it right now as you’re reading this because you have peace. Things may not be perfect, but you are confident in them.
I hope my thoughts have blessed you since they were unplanned by me. I have some fun things in store for this blog, but my deep desire is to empower you singles – men and women – to do this season well. I want you to grow stronger in your faith, and I want you to enter marriage with your heart as intact as possible.